Enjoy Your Children

  How can I stop my son from shooting everything that moves? Why is he so obsessed with power? I find his level of energy so draining, not to mention the constant competition between him and his younger sister. It seems that the only way to keep him quiet is to put him in front of the computer or the telly… I hear these sorts of questions/complaints from parents of boys again and again. Girls seem much easier to manage. But boys… everbody agrees that they are hard work. Boys were evolved to be active most of the time, I say. Their nature is to learn while they move, not…

A question from a therapist…   In my practice I often talk to young people who have not been allowed to attend the funeral of a loved one, which they much regret. I wonder if you would write a little about how people can best support a young person during such a distressing time. I am thinking particularly about pre-teens and teenagers.   Thank you for asking about this very sensitive subject… Losing a loved one when you are a child or teenager is often devastating. Similarly to you, I sometimes talk to adults who had lost a parent or sibling when they were young and feel that they never…

My nine-year-old son is struggling with his maths homework. He is much better with writing, especially creative writing, and has great imagination. But he already decided that he is useless at maths and thinks he is stupid. We end up arguing about his maths homework every day. What do I do? It seems that your son is willing to do the homework that he is able to do with reasonable effort – I wonder whether the maths homework he is given is too difficult for him right now. In order to progress you need to do two things- the first is to create a homework routine and the second to…

  Sometimes they are just curious. This is our opportunity to teach them new things. At other times, they are troubled by something. This is our chance to help them deal with whatever is bothering them. I will write more about these kinds of ‘whys’ in the future. This post is concerned with another type of ‘why’- the type that masquerades as a request for information, but in fact is a negotiation technique. Or delaying tactic.  Or a distraction. And often it works. ‘Can you please pick up your coat off the floor?’ ‘Why?’   ‘Please tidy up your room’ ‘Why? I don’t mind the mess and it is MY…

One gloomy winter day I realised that, instead of concentrating on my work, I was developing far too close a relationship with the contents of my fridge. So I collected my papers, left my laptop behind and headed to the café in my local branch of Borders. Some mums were sitting on the sofas, chatting and sipping their frappuccinos while their kids were happily playing nearby. An ideal setting for preparing a talk about raising boys, I thought. ‘WAAA! WAAA!’ I turned my head to see a little boy, perhaps five years old, wailing and clutching his leg. ‘Mummy, Mummy!’ he cried. ‘Let me have a look,’ said Mum. ‘Where…

An honoured guest was invited to hand out prizes at an end of school ceremony. The hall was full with pupils, their parents and teachers. They were all cheering as each winner was approaching the stage. ‘The first prise for English goes to…’ A young girl approaches the stage hesitantly. ‘And the first prise for physics…’ A skinny boy shakes the guest’s hand, to the cheers of the crowd. ‘The prize for excellence across the board goes without any questions to….’ And a happy, confident girl comes forward. And so it went on and on, with a parade of proud youngsters being congratulated and handed impressive looking books. Once all…

  Hilarious mum’s song… Enjoy!

First, I would like to congratulate your daughter for having good friends! Many don’t, and this makes them very miserable indeed. What may seem to us like a useless waste of time is often far from it. By spending time together, children and teens learn and practise many valuable social skills – how to have a conversation, how to negotiate and compromise, how to win and lose graciously, how to share and be kind, what kind of jokes make people laugh, what behaviours get on people’s nerves, etc. Their happiness and success in the future will be directly linked to their ability get on with people – bosses, colleagues, friends…

Here is a lovely idea from a Mum whose five-year-old son didn’t want her to leave his bedroom at night… ‘My son is into technology and science, so one night when he didn’t want me to leave his bedroom I had an idea. “I’m going to recharge your battery!” I said. “You need to hug me with all your strength, however you like, for as long as you need until you are fully charged.” And so he did. He hugged me really strongly, like a little monkey, and unsurprisingly he soon got tired and went to bed. I checked whether he was fully charged, so that the charge would last…